Be gentle and not cruel. Embrace humility more than arrogance. Thank others more than you accept thanks. Feel compassion more than apathy. See what others ignore. Hold others close more than you push them aside. Learn more than you teach. Be present more than absent. Give more than you take. -Joanne Cacciatore

Friday, June 12, 2015

Am I fake or fooling everyone?

I was going to wait until tomorrows weigh in to post next but I saw these quotes and have had a lot on my mind so just could not wait....

I have been blessed in my life to receive some of the most dearest text in the world.  I get some that even bring me to tears...however, on the flip side sometimes I feel guilty because I always think if you only knew the real me? Then as I was reading more quotes I came across this one....

I get in my feelings a lot recently and part of it is my way to protect myself from some things going on and others is because I fight with myself on how I should feel about myself.  Some days I wake up put on makeup get ready and feel great and others when I am home alone at night I cry and feel like things are impossible to reach.  I know a person who went to a therapist this week and the therapist just did an overview.  It was so frustrating to that person because they wanted guidance.  They wanted the answers.  They wanted results.  As I was speaking to this person I said, "look he did give you the answers - change."  I am one who pays very close attention to details.  When behavior changes, texts stop coming in, responses change, attitude is different, likes on Facebook stop happening, recognition disappears...this might be bad but I do this.  I also let it get to me.  As I was sitting here this afternoon I saw a friend get likes from an old friend of mine and it bugged me for a minute.  I then opened up my instagram and had a message from sweet Jana saying Jennifer if only you could see yourself how others do... I thought oh my gosh maybe I am 100% just surrounding myself (and by surrounding myself I mean choosing) to hold onto friendships or relationships that destroy me - hurt me - or are pointless because that is my comfort zone.  Maybe just maybe the things that people text me are true. Maybe that is who I am - maybe I just don't see it because I am holding onto some people who have already left and just am not accepting that.  Life is soooo short and aint nobody got time to be sad.  I love being loved.  I love helping other people.  I find no larger joy in life.  I have faults but who doesn't.   My WWAA leader told me a while back you need to have a LONG look in the mirror!!! That always scares me.  To be vulnerable scares me.  To own my life scares me.  To be great you have responsibility so it is easier to hide behind failures, embarrassment, to just be hidden.   So I challenge you all to be authentic.   To let go of those who do NOT want to be in your life.  To stop holding onto others for their approval or waiting for their text back or their validation.  Nobody you have to try so hard to be seen by is worth it.  Your ability to love and serve others will in turn help you love yourself and for hells sake be honest.  Be honest where you are at and move forward.  Choose happiness.  I do. It is not easy.  If it was easy I probably would not do it - this girl likes a challenge!  Have an amazing day. Pray for me and my weigh in tomorrow.  I have worked hard for this week :)

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