Be gentle and not cruel. Embrace humility more than arrogance. Thank others more than you accept thanks. Feel compassion more than apathy. See what others ignore. Hold others close more than you push them aside. Learn more than you teach. Be present more than absent. Give more than you take. -Joanne Cacciatore

Thursday, January 24, 2013


Days like today :/

Well I hit my big 22 weeks of pregnancy.  Felt like I got this in the bag.  Had a moment of hope - I called my Dr. office to see when my appointment will be next to find out I missed it! What?  This is a big ultrasound one for me. This is usually when the bad news happens.  I was really mad at myself but scheduled it for Monday the 28th and was on the free and clear!  Well... this morning I woke up and havent felt the baby all morning.  By 10 a.m. I always feel him moving around... it is almost down to a schedule and I felt nothing.  I didnt even feel pregnant.  I started to get really scared!  I just cleaned up the house, showered, shaved... texted Cameron and really tried to just let things be.  So 11:11 a.m. (if you know me this time of day I wish on daily) I got in the car, made a wish, and headed to the office.   Felt NOTHING.  As I was driving to pick up some items from the dollar store I began to cry --- what if this was it.  I know I have done this four times so I will be able to handle it and I am not going to go in because I cant change the results from today to Monday so I will just be patient.  Cameron started asking fifty questions; " Babe, why are you crying? " -- "how do you feel"  -- "what are you scared of" blah blah I didnt respond cuz when I cry I dont like to talk.   He flipped the car around and said we are going to the Dr. you are not going to go through this feeling scared.  I said to him babe this is just my reality.   He drove up the Dr. office and I just sat int he car while he talked with the nurse.  I texted my sister and just cried and cried and cried.  One I felt so stupid for going in, Two I hate that I dont have control of my emotions.  I always am in control of my emotions and I dont let myself fall weak. Three - what if this is going to be bad.  Cameron came out to the car and in we went for the appointment.  So as I walked in with RED EYES the nurse goes Jennifer--- I lost it, I just hate the attention all the emotions. I was a mess.  I walked back and every single person smiles and just says NOTHING they are as scared as you are!  I got up on the table, said sorry to the Ultrasound lady (who I love) and I just lifted the shirt and held my breath.   Jelly on the stomach, first thing you see is the head - well it has a head - next thing she says is there is his little heart beating away.  I just cried.  She measured his heartbeat and I just cried and cried.  She measured everything on him and said probably fifty times "he is PERFECT, everything looks great" --- just then Dr. Ott walks in and goes JJJJJJJJTTTTTTT how are things.  I said nothing.  Cameron talked a little and he and the ultrasound lady just spoke to one another.  Then he said do you have any questions, I began to cry again... he goes I love emotions.  He goes I missed you on Monday my heart skips a beat when I dont see you! I laughed!  Everything was fine.  The baby is fine, my fluid is fine, my heart is scared but everything is perfect!  The Ultrasound Lady (I need to get to know her name) goes hey we will see you in a few weeks or Monday if you want :) I said NO MONDAY I am fine - she goes well just in case you want you are always welcome.  As I walked out of the room I got applause from everyone.  I just laughed!  Of course my blood pressure was a little high but we have to stop taking it on days like today! They told me to get me some icecream and relax for the rest of the day!  So ---- that is the story of today :) It is only 1:46 am too :) HAHA!

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