Am I fake or fooling everyone?

I was going to wait until tomorrows weigh in to post next but I saw these quotes and have had a lot on my mind so just could not wait....

I have been blessed in my life to receive some of the most dearest text in the world.  I get some that even bring me to tears...however, on the flip side sometimes I feel guilty because I always think if you only knew the real me? Then as I was reading more quotes I came across this one....

I get in my feelings a lot recently and part of it is my way to protect myself from some things going on and others is because I fight with myself on how I should feel about myself.  Some days I wake up put on makeup get ready and feel great and others when I am home alone at night I cry and feel like things are impossible to reach.  I know a person who went to a therapist this week and the therapist just did an overview.  It was so frustrating to that person because they wanted guidance.  They wanted the answers.  They wanted results.  As I was speaking to this person I said, "look he did give you the answers - change."  I am one who pays very close attention to details.  When behavior changes, texts stop coming in, responses change, attitude is different, likes on Facebook stop happening, recognition disappears...this might be bad but I do this.  I also let it get to me.  As I was sitting here this afternoon I saw a friend get likes from an old friend of mine and it bugged me for a minute.  I then opened up my instagram and had a message from sweet Jana saying Jennifer if only you could see yourself how others do... I thought oh my gosh maybe I am 100% just surrounding myself (and by surrounding myself I mean choosing) to hold onto friendships or relationships that destroy me - hurt me - or are pointless because that is my comfort zone.  Maybe just maybe the things that people text me are true. Maybe that is who I am - maybe I just don't see it because I am holding onto some people who have already left and just am not accepting that.  Life is soooo short and aint nobody got time to be sad.  I love being loved.  I love helping other people.  I find no larger joy in life.  I have faults but who doesn't.   My WWAA leader told me a while back you need to have a LONG look in the mirror!!! That always scares me.  To be vulnerable scares me.  To own my life scares me.  To be great you have responsibility so it is easier to hide behind failures, embarrassment, to just be hidden.   So I challenge you all to be authentic.   To let go of those who do NOT want to be in your life.  To stop holding onto others for their approval or waiting for their text back or their validation.  Nobody you have to try so hard to be seen by is worth it.  Your ability to love and serve others will in turn help you love yourself and for hells sake be honest.  Be honest where you are at and move forward.  Choose happiness.  I do. It is not easy.  If it was easy I probably would not do it - this girl likes a challenge!  Have an amazing day. Pray for me and my weigh in tomorrow.  I have worked hard for this week :)

BUSY AS A BEE -----

Gosh life has seemed so busy for some reason recently but I have lots to update! Mikalene Ipson had her album release happen!!! I got to be a part of this by sitting on the sideline and cheering for her! I was able to watch the guys at Spiral Studios do their master skills and she made it easy with being such a GREAT SINGER!  I love all the songs on her new album. Check it out at www.mikalene.com  she has a song called Sunshine After Rain w/Eric Dodge and she wrote it for my good friends Chad and Ashley Baird so it kind of is close to my heart! Pixie Dust song though makes me go off into another world and feel young so I love that as well...just go check it out!

 I started out on Tuesday having lots of contractions so I went in to the Dr. he was really sweet and just told me to take it easy. It will take 2.5 cm to get this girl into labor so we are just going to take it easy!!!  Then Wednesday Braxton started to have a headache oh and then that led to a flu!!! 102 baby!  He was not loving this.  OH MY GOSH! He was out Thursday Friday and Saturday!  I have kept him drugged up cuz the puke and I are not friends.  We have watched a lot of Duck Dynasty and laughed.  He even asked me what I do all day when he isnt home... I said sure as heck dont sit here and be bored out of my mind!!!  We did have a SWIG run hoping that would do the trick but it made us happy so that is all that matters!  Then wait for it... Cameron C. Turnbow got sick.... STOP RIGHT THERE AND BREATHE!!! SHUT DOWN THE HOUSE. BLINDS SHUT, TEA KETTLE ON, BUBBLE BATH STARTED... CAMERON CLIFFORD TURNBOW IS SICK! HE IS SICK I SAY!  He being the hard worked he is pushed through month end but Friday he joined Braxton on the couch and I about wet crazy!!! I was sick two weeks ago for ten days --- NO MEDICINE --- NO HELP --- Just need to throw that out there!  Well, my poor baby Cameron is sick as all get out and we are ALL praying for him to get better soon!  He is our happy go lucky tool in the family so him being SICK is a KICK in the pants :) BELIEVE YOU ME!

Then last night, I was able to go to Gordon's Birthday party.  I just stopped in with all my sickies at home I made a quick pit stop!  It was so adorable his wife had 50 people bring him 1 balloon at a time.  Im sure he ended up with a little extra but he was in balloon heaven!  His smile was priceless and her reaction was even more adorable I thought it was such a sweet idea though! I loved it!  It was nice to see Mika too because I used to see her every morning and since she hurt her ankle I have been having withdrawls.  I got to see some wonderful people and realized as I drove away how blessed I have been this last year meeting the people I have in the music industry.  I love music - I have been blessed to get to know some people on a personal levels, others not really, but that is what time does it gives us the opportunity to grow, make mistakes, embrace moments, and just be happy!  I love it!  So I hope life has been great for everyone and I will see you all soon :)

THE FIGHTER ---- baby Rayden

Rayden is not only the cause of Kalamity Dance this year he is the son of a VERY good friend of mine. He is my next door neighbors baby and his journey just about breaks my heart every single time I read it... I feel through Amy's words her emotions and I just want everyone to pull together right now and give her the strength her and BABY RAYDEN need! www.raydensfight.blogspot.com We will be holding the huge garage sale on Feb 23rd and WE REALLY NEED to raise as much money as possible to help relieve the financial burden off of this family. They are currently living in the Ronald McDonald home and need to pay for that while not working so they can be with there CHILDREN. If you in ANY way can donate to this cause please contact me as soon as possible..... 435-313-1161 and if all else SERIOUSLY please play for Baby Rayden because that is a power that is stronger then any other!!! We love you little fighter and cannot wait to meet you!!!!

24 Weeks ...

This time I am just going to answer questions that a lot of people ask me so it is more me :)

How far along are you today?   

24 weeks along! 

Are you over being scared yet?

No I am still scared.  I do NOT think I will be over the fear until I am holding him!  

Favorite things people say to you?

Well there are two my Grandma always says, "is your baby dead?" or Rob @ the office always asks how's and motions a baby!  He is scared to ask the wrong question.  I informed him today if it isn't good I wont come in. HAHA

How is your sleep?

What is that?

Best Moment of this Week?

 the BEST moment was finding out my sister is having a boy so he will have a close cousin! 

Movement?

Today I was texting with Mikalene and the baby was going crazy! Made me want to hold him

Food Craving?

Nothing really I am so sick that I cannot taste food anyway so I am not craving anything

Anything making you sick?

Everything, I have the worst indigestion I have ever had but I love it cuz it makes me feel good about the pregnancy! 

Have you started to show?

Um I think I showed from the first day! 9 pregnancies in 10 years  NO HOPE! 

Whats new?

I am physically sick right now with the flu and head cold.  That is a new one for me.  I know some people do not believe in drugs but oh good heavens for a girl that does not being able to take anything to make this pain go away is HORRIBLE!  I want to thank every doctor or person who ever created medicine because I need it and love it and right now wish more then anything I could have it to clear my head cold. I hate hate hate hate hate hate being sick! I also think Cameron goes into MUTE mode physically and mentally when I am sick!  He really doesn't like it.  It is nice though cuz it makes me realize how much I am needed! 

Why dont you post a picture?

I do not like to see pictures of myself in general so pictures of myself bigger is not my cup of tea!  I   need to be a little more secure to do that! 

How big is your baby?

the size of an ear of corn!  He is big enough to make me not hold pee in :) 

Fun Times

Things have seemed a bit crazy recently so I thought I would combined it all together and do a quick update! Last week each kid spend some serious time in the dentist and boy was it fun! High as kites Hailey was saying the funniest things, Awsten thought his poofy jacket was going to blow up, and Braxton just toughed it up with NO HAPPY DRUGS!  We got some really warm weather, Hailey got her hair and nails done, and I got sick sick sick!!!!

Last Friday I told my nephew he got to come play with me so we did just that.  He came with me to the office to work lots and then the kids took over come 1:15.  They took him on walks, to the park, jumped on the tramp, and just played played played until they were all tired!  I love days like that.   Friday my Dad got surgery so I had to go pick up his medicine from Walmart and I was so sick so they felt bad and rushed it through --- I looked like death --- I visited my parents while Cameron and the kids were at the PV basketball and that was pretty much it! My RAVENS won the superbowl which made me super excited! Braxton won his basketball game on Saturday 50-5.  Good game :)   So this week we are focusing on getting better, sleeping again...and life!!!

Cute Saying

We were driving home from school and Awsten was invited to a birthday party for Friday but it is a sleepover.  He goes I can only go on Friday night and I said why?  He goes because Braxton has a basketball game on Saturday morning.  I said oh well.  It isnt a big deal.  He goes Mom I would rather be out supporting my brother then at a party!

---How cute is that!  Braxton then said, its okay Awsten you support me enough you can go to the party!

Love my boys!

Funny saying

So I was telling Cameron about the crazy toilets in Mexico and hailey goes mom don't say that my friend lives in Mexico . I said hailey your friend does not live in Mexico she goes well she speaks mexico

Awsten was watching the mummy and as they are going through the cave he goes I would never do this I'd rather go to school for the rest of my life then do that